• Turned my back on Samuel momentarily only to look back and discover him flexing - and then wearing -Granny's glasses.
• Mastered the art of brushing my teeth with one hand while using the other hand to stop a toddler disappearing head-first into the toilet and one foot to stop the same toddler emptying out and eating the contents of the bathroom bin.
• Put every photoframe and remote control in my Mum's house up on her dining table - the only place Samuel can't reach and pilfer them from.
• Realised that we have a bit of a serious problem with hair pulling. He went for EVERY SINGLE ponytail at soft play yesterday. It's not malicious - he's just fascinated. But, you know. Girly tears galore. Oops.
• Worked out that every soft play centre is hotter than Hedes and significantly more corrupt (yes, financially ruinous Peppa Pig car ride with all the attractive flashing buttons, I'm looking at you).
• Discovered an episode of The Numtums recorded on the Sky Box. Neither I nor my mother were responsible for this.
• Built the most excellent train track and populated it with Thomas, Percy et al.
• Been splattered in the face with custard on two separate occasions (and yes, my son probably does eat too much custard).
• Sliced a tomato while simultaneously using a foot to keep the fridge door closed and using my arse to cover the buttons and dials of the washing machine that are so irresistible to little paws. It's quite the pose.
Toddlers stress you out, man. But then the payoff is that you get to laugh your head off as you watch them discover their shadow for the first time or shout 'ta-dah!' - with bonus jazz hands - when you get them from their cot in the morning. The fun far outweighs the infuriating.
Still, with work picking up for me and Samuel crying out for more entertainment and company, I think we both might benefit from a bit of change. So today I picked up the phone and booked us in for a couple of nursery viewings next week. Gulp.